A Poem

The Day I Became A Heart Mother
by Stephanie Husted, a heart mommy to Braeden

One day my world came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that my baby was sick.
I thought, "Am I to blame?"

I don't think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking

I have loved him for so long.

I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advise.
I will give my son any chance
No matter what the price.

I will learn all I need
To help my baby thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube,
My child must survive!

Will he need a lot of therapy?
Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
As I accept our fate.

When the monitors beep at night,
it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound,
Tomorrow I will be kinder.

As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my baby's bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while,
I bend down and kiss his head.

I cry for the parents whose hearts have broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways...
no matter how I try.

And yet, I trust you hold his life,
and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he's here,
but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay!"

From pacing the surgical waiting room,
to sitting by his bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep,
to learning every med.

From wondering, "Will he be alright?"
to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts,
despite life's harsh demands.

For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much,
I would face ANY trial.

That scar I trace with my finger
(It's the door to his beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I'd love him
(Just as He loved him from the start).

A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.

Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for him (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day....
When I became a "Heart Mother."

He didn't get it from me...

Why is this boy such a morning person??? I need to teach him that mommy likes to SLEEP IN!

Gold Stars

Just felt the need to brag a little about my sweet buddy. The last one happened today, and we're THRILLED!

So in my mind, my son is looking like this!

I'm so proud of him, he's been through so much. He really is a rockstar!

Sweet little guy

So alert. I love this little guy!

Sanity Saver

This kid is difficult. And picky. He despises his bouncer. He hates his bassinet and crib. He wakes up immediately if we rest him in his swing. Its been a struggle to get him to sleep. We finally worked out a routine for the night (swaddler, special bed, rock him to sleep) but i dont want to keep him like that all day too. How healthy can it be to have your arms plastered to your side 24/7??? Luckily i discovered his love of vacuums. As long as its going, he'll sleep for an hour in his swing. Sorry I couldn't answer your calls... I'm not avoiding you! Its just so loud! But oh, so worth it. :)

Wiggly little guy

Right before his diaper change, I decided to take a video of Parker. Call it second child syndrome, but it really hadn't occured to me to do it before now! This kid loves to move, he never slows down. He has ALWAYS been this wiggly, pregnancy was difficult because of the moving and squirming. Even now, my stomach hurts to watch this video!

There's a little surprise there at the end too that I wasn't counting on...

1 Month Old!

Parker turned one month old yesterday! Seriously, that little boy has accomplished more in the past month than I have in my entire life. But one of his biggest accomplishments, he no longer needs oxygen! It really makes life easier. No more tanks to carry around. No more tripping over long cords. I can't tell you how many times we've accidently yanked Parker's head because we've tripped over his tubes. We're excellent parents, alright. Unfortunately, there have been downsides to this week as well. Parker has both a cold and a stomach bug, and his older brother has those plus he might have pink eye. The amount of puke around this place has been outstanding (and overwhelming!)

But we're hanging in there and enjoying our time together as a family at home. Home is such a wonderful place to be. :)

This little doozy of a pic was from trying to get an oxygen-less picture. He kept making silly faces at me! What a dirty look he's giving me!

Today with the therapist...

Parker's occupational therapist came today. She comes to check his eating habits because of the need to have thickened liquids. Well today I brought up a concern of mine. Parker hates tummy time. He keeps his face planted on the ground and just screams the entire time. He doesn't try to lift his head at all. I figured with spending 8 days flat on his back in the hospital, maybe he's just behind the curve a bit.

So she holds him, starts moving him around to check his head and neck control, and then puts him on his belly. I kid you not, Parker rolls himself over onto his back. She laughs and then puts him back on his belly. So he rolls again, the other way. She laughs again, said he's ahead of the curve and that I shouldn't worry at all. What a way to make your mommy look stupid, Parker!

Perfectly Parker

This image totally captures Parker perfectly.

Here's what he's up to now:
-He's still super teeny. This is a preemie outfit, and fits him perfectly around. But you can see its too short for his arms and his body. Unfortunately newborn stuff still swamps him, though.
-He is so alert. He won't stop staring at you. Its pretty unnerving, actually. His gaze is just so intense.
-He is so active and wiggly. Those long thin fingers are always moving, he is always pulling off his oxygen and also scratching his face up pretty badly. He always needs to be grabbing something.
-He's happiest when someone is holding him. I don't think he's gone a whole night in his bassinet.
-He's eating almost double what the doctors initially told us. However the dr's are pretty impressed and want him to eat as much as possible. We need to fatten him up!

He's just such a sweet little guy!

My First Santa Visit

For Christmas, Colby wanted Buzz, Woody, and candy.

Mommy wanted a goodnights sleep.

And Parker wanted to get rid of the feeding tube.

... Parker got his wish that night. He decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. He ripped that tube right out. Luckily we haven't used it lately, so we didn't bother putting it back. Yay for one less tube!

( I just snipped the edges of the tube at first, so we wouldn't have to redo all his tape. Removing those dots and tape hurts his poor skin so bad!)